Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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