people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
4 words: hood of his car
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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