so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
