o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize