and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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