What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize