I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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