I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
