just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
