sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The adults are the big ones right?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
