Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
