oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
