You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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