I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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