I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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