worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
