I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
