You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
