either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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