how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
