Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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