I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
