He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
