It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize