I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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