Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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