Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
