i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
