Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
