your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
