oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
