Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He better not be in your backpack
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
