He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
