that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My life is pants optional.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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