he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
