my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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