He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
