I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
