I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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