hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
