I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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