I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
