after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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