is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
