I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
