absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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