forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
