Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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