He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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