Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
