how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
