She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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