i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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