Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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