Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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