Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
