oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize