I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
