last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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