Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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