fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I need to calm my uterus...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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