Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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