end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
