i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
im holly from the hills drunk
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
