If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My ATM looks so different sober.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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