SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize