I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
