i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
