he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you traded sex for a burrito?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
